It's a horrible life
by sofia313
Summary: "I'm in hell…" Kol gets stuck in a parallel world where Klaus is an architect and Mikael's favorite son, Elijah is a rock star, Finn is in jail, Rebekah wears chastity ring and he himself is a proud member of a chess club…
1. Chapter 1

**This is a crazy idea, I'm not sure if it's worth continuing. Let me know what you think :)**

"Come out, come out, where ever you are…

Kol had always loved a good chase; there was nothing more thrilling than allow his victim to think that they actually had a chance to get away. How pathetic they were.

"Come on, sweetheart," he purred. "I'm not going to hurt you, scout's honor."

It was fun to lie. He walked slowly across the dark hallway of Mystic High; he just loved high school girls. This one had been foolish enough to stay behind with him after her cheerleader friends had left after their little evening practice.

"Where are you, sweetheart?"

He stopped when he heard something from the girl's restroom. What a genius place to hide. His lips curved into a smirk before he kicked the door open. He couldn't see her, but he could easily pick up her rapid heartbeat, she was in panic. Good, the fear always made the blood taste sweeter.

"Hmm, let's see what's behind door number one!"

Not there, alright the next door. She was standing on the toilet seat and started to scream when he kicked the door open. He smiled, it was time to play.

The sudden "Hey!" made him to turn to the door. Oh great, the Bennett witch.

"Leave her alone!" she demanded.

"Hmm, let me think about that…no."

He would snap the damn witch's neck like a twig. She looked at him intensely and started to mumble some kind of spell.

"Oh please," he snorted. "Do you honestly think…"

He could never finish his sentence when some kind of wave of energy hit him, flying him on his back. Damn witch was so dead… He tried to jump to his feet, but that certainly didn't work out.

"Son of a…" he murmured when he felt the nasty sting on his back. What the hell? Slowly he managed to get up. The witch and his prey were gone. How the hell had they got out without him noticing? And why was his whole damn body hurting? The witch must have cast some kind of spell… His thoughts were cut off when he noticed his reflection in the mirror. What the hell? He was wearing a white dress shirt paired with a powder blue sweater vest and grey trousers. And apparently he had glasses… Seriously, what the hell?

He took the glasses off, only to notice that he could barely see without them. This couldn't be happening… The damn witch had somehow turned him into a nerd. What kind of unholy magic was that? He definitely needed to get home. Although he wouldn't have wanted to be seen in these clothes, he didn't have much choice. Lousy spell casting, dinner stealing, fun spoiling witch bitch… Nik and Rebekah would definitely have a lot of fun when they would see him.

He marched outside and tried to use his vampire speed, but surprisingly that didn't work either. Oh come on… Apparently he simply had to walk all the way home. Could this be any more humiliating? Yes, it could, after a short walk he noticed that he also had asthma, he was making squealing noises when he breathed. Wait, breathed? What the hell was going on? Thankfully Nik knew plenty of witches; some of them could surely fix this. Or he could simply torture the Bennett witch until she would undo her damn spell.

He had never noticed how far the mansion was… The walk seemed to last forever and he was pretty sure that he wouldn't make it without passing out, but finally he saw the familiar house. There was something different about it, but he was too exhausted to care, he wanted to get to his room and get rid of these damn clothes.

"Come back here right now!" a familiar voice shouted when he opened the door. He froze, that was his father's voice. No, that was impossible…

"Screw you, I hate you!"

He was even more shocked when he heard the second voice. His little brother ran past him towards the staircase.

"Henrik…"

The boy didn't even slow down, he was running upstairs.

"Henrik!" Mikael shouted angrily. He stopped next to Kol and sighed.

"Teenagers… Why can't he be more like you?"

Kol flinched when his father tapped his shoulder before heading back to the living room. What… This couldn't be real. What planet was he in? He was too stunned to move before he saw Rebekah. She was wearing a plaid skirt that reached over her knees and a very chaste pink sweater. Her hair was up in a bun and there was a silver cross on her neck.

"Good evening, brother," she said smiling sweetly and was about to pass him when he grabbed her arm.

"What…what the hell is going on here?" he managed to ask.

She looked shocked.

"Kol! Language!"

"What…"

He couldn't do anything expect open and close his mouth, this was…

"My poor brother," Rebekah said and kissed his cheek. "It seems you have had a rough day. Go and wash up, the dinner is served, mother have cooked something special tonight."

"Mother? You mean Esther?"

Rebekah giggled.

"Oh you silly goose, that is our mother's name."

"I'm ready to wake up now…" Kol murmured. "Bekah…"

"Go and wash up," she said and walked towards the dining room.

Alright, there had to be some sort of rational explanation for this… Well of course there was, maybe he had simply lost his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your reviews, favs and alerts, to be honest I wasn't sure at all about this :) I have a whole storyline on mind and since you are interested, I'm going to write this. Yes, Finn will be in this story, I'm going to use many characters from TVD. I want to try something different, so I'm not going to use any most common pairings, I'm sorry about that. One of the reasons I wanted to write this was to turn the characters into something very different without making the complete AU/AH story. I've already planned parts for at least Bonnie, Stefan, Damon, Elena, Lexi, Pearl, Anna, Caroline, Jeremy, Tyler and Matt. Let me know if there's some character you would like to see in this story, I'm sure that can be arranged.**

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Wake up, dammit, wake up! Kol was still unable to move, this had to be some kind of nightmare. Wait a minute… The Bennett witch. She had cast some kind of spell. No… That wasn't possible; no witch was powerful enough to change the course of history like this. His father and brother were alive and apparently all of them were human. He definitely had to get to the bottom of this…

"Hi, Kol."

He looked up and saw the Bennett witch walking calmly past him. What… He got over his surprise quickly and stepped in front of her.

"What the hell did you do?" he snapped.

Her eyes widened.

"What…"

He grabbed her arms, trying to look menacing, but that didn't quite work out.

"You…" he started, but couldn't continue, he could barely breathe. Stupid human body…

"Get your hands off me," she snapped and effortlessly freed herself from his grip. "What's wrong with you?"

Her hands touched her swollen stomach protectively. She was wearing a very short leopard print dress.

"You're…pregnant," he muttered.

"No kidding?" she snorted. "Thank God my Finn gets out soon; I'm sick of this place, I rather move back in the trailer."

"What? Gets out from where?"

She gave him a contemptuous look.

"Very funny. Jerk…" she murmured and marched towards the dining room.

Kol didn't have time to recover from this little encounter when he was attacked by two screaming children, a girl and a boy.

"Uncle Kol!" they both shouted and wrapped their little arms around his legs.

"What… Get off me you little…"

"Kids!" a woman's voice said. "Careful, you know uncle Kol bruises easily."

Shocked by this apparently serious statement, these kids couldn't be older than 5, Kol looked up and saw the woman who was approaching them. She had a long blonde hair and she was wearing a simple but stylish lime dress.

"Sorry, uncle Kol," both kids said and took a step back. The woman gave him a sweet smile.

"They've been a little wild today, but I hope you can still babysit them tomorrow."

Kol couldn't do anything except stare at the woman with his mouth open.

"Babysit?"

"Thank you, you are so sweet, the kids love to spend time with you" she said and kissed his cheek. "Nik is taking me to that new Italian place."

Kol looked at the little brats again; apparently they were Nik's children. Alright then…

"Lexi?" Nik's voice said before Kol have had time to process this new information.

"Here, honey!" the woman replied.

"Daddy!" the kids shouted and ran to Nik as soon as he appeared from behind the corner. He was wearing a dark grey suit and apparently he had only recently discovered a hair gel.

"Hey," he said warmly and lifted both of the kids up.

"Emma, have you been a good girl today?"

"Yes, daddy," the girl replied and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"How about you, NJ?"

"I drew you a picture, daddy," the boy announced proudly. "Do you want to see it?"

"I most certainly do, right after the dinner."

He placed them on the floor and ruffled their hair.

"Oh no, do I hear the tickling monster coming? Run, little ones, run!"

The kids ran towards the dining room shouting with delight. Nik watched them smiling lovingly before he turned his eyes to the woman, whose name apparently was Lexi.

"How was your day, sweetness?" he asked while wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.

"Crazy, as always. How about yours?"

"Same old, same old."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and they stayed there for a while, enjoying being close to each other. Kol couldn't do anything except stare at them, what the hell had happened to Nik? Finally his brother, or this very strange version of his brother, looked up and noticed him.

"Hi, Kol. Are you still going to watch the kids tomorrow?"

"Yes," Lexi said before Kol managed to speak. "Isn't he sweet?"

Nik frowned.

"Yes. Is Stefan going to be here?"

Kol was definitely more than confused.

"What?"

Nik sighed.

"Look, I know that he's your friend, but could you please ask him to watch his language in front of the kids? I never want to hear my daughter to use words like 'space boobies' again."

"Space…boobies?" Kol managed to say.

"Come on, honey," Lexi said. "Stefan is a nice boy; he's just a little…thoughtless sometimes. I think it's sweet that he and Kol are so excited about space traveling."

Nik bit his lip, apparently trying not to laugh.

"Sweetie, they are interested about science fiction movies, not the actual space traveling."

"Oh… Well, it's still nice. Could you go and check on the kids, I'll be right there."

"Sure," Nik said and kissed her before walking towards the dining room.

Lexi turned to look at Kol and gave him a warm smile.

"Listen, I really do like Stefan, but if he comes here tomorrow, could you ask him to stop stealing my underwear, it's kind of…weird."

"What…"

"I don't want to point fingers, but every time Stefan has been in our part of the house, some of my underwear goes missing. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell Nik, but please ask him to stop doing that."

"Sure, I'll do that," Kol muttered without even trying to process all the things he was hearing.

"Thank you," she said and tapped his shoulder.

Alright, so he was a geek who loved science fiction movies and his best friend was a geek and apparently pervert version of Stefan Salvatore. Not to mention even toddlers could kick his ass and he was a babysitter. The only conclusion he was able to come up with was that he had died and gone to hell. How wonderful. Well, at least things couldn't possible get any worse.


End file.
